1. Introduction

When you’re single and out there in the field it’s like being a secret agent out on covert operations. You have an identity a persona. There is always a mission or objective. Get her phone number, get a kiss, a one night stand, few dates as possible. Use your target to get what you want from them, information that will lead to your goal as quickly as possible. The deeper you are undercover the more you start to believe you are that cover. You learn certain skills on how to read your target/ women. You know to quickly establish a baseline of their actions, the certain patterns that make her, her. If she strays too far from that baseline you know the mission is blown and to abort or get out without losing any ground. It’s like walking into a room, taking a mental picture of exactly where everything is, and then walking out, coming back in and being able to tell what’s been moved or what’s out of place. In all honesty being single and a player means always being in a constant state of paranoia. Have I waited long enough to call, am I coming off as too pressed? Is she more into me, do I have the upper hand, do I have more power? How many rings did it take for her to pick up? She just called; I’ll wait the 30 minutes to call her back. In turn the paranoia becomes common place for survival which becomes a discipline of routine that becomes encoded in us. It becomes second nature the longer you’re out in the field.

2. Online Dating

But what happens when the player spy comes in from the cold? How does he turn off that part of his thinking, his being? Old objectives have already been met and achieved on “multiple” levels, so now what? Who is he without the cover, the persona? Who is he under it all? Can he remember? And at what point can he trust her enough to give those things up? What point is a missed called just a missed call? Is, “I’m too sore for a third round” still code for I’m fucking other guys? Until him and her have had “that” conversation where its agreed upon that no parts of other people’s anatomy will be penetrating any orifice on her body (and vice versa) during the bunning period, the front still remains. Even after said discussion a player might have to hang on to the golden rule of not trusting a girl further than you can punt her. Unless you want to go full retarded on the simple jack tip. I wish there was a class or “debriefing” guys like us could take to help adjust to civilian life. Maybe the agency could just give us new “suburban” covers. You’re name is Michael Clark, you have a 9 to 5 job, you prefer staying in bunning up to a movie and take out and you drink wine at home or vodka tonic with a lime if out in public. Does Mystery teach a “bun” seminar? It’s basically the plot for that Christian Slater show on NBC that nobody watches.

3. Single Canadian girls

The truth is we can’t turn it off. We suffer from nightmares of what we’ve seen out there in the field, post-tramatic stress from the DC dating scene. What so called girlfriends and wives do once out on the town away from their significant others. We’ve bitten into the apple and now have the knowledge that you can’t ever really trust anyone. But if we’re being honest, we cant trust anyone because we can never really trust ourselves. Who were those girlfriends and wives with when they weren’t with their significant others? Karma. Sometimes a missed call is just a missed call. Maybe the cat came into the kitchen and knocked over the salt, that’s the logical reason why the room looks different than the mental picture you took. But the paranoia stays. Over dinner, “So how was girl’s night out”? VK (voice over): Did she just cough and look up to the left and then answer my question with a question? Fuck! The jig is up, the bitch got me. Wait, maybe I should be an adult and have one of those what do they call it, “adult conversations” where I’m honest and talk about feelings and concerns. VK: Excuse me for a minute I have to go to the bathroom Once in the bathroom, on his cell phone VK: Headquarters? Its agent Kent, I need you to send someone to my apartment. Behind the Rudy Huxtable oil painting there’s a safe, the combination is 34,24,36. Empty out the contents which include three passports, 200K in Euros, four gold bars, a playboy issue with Brooke Burke on the cover, an afro wig, and some clothes. I’ll also need someone to pick me up in the back of Marvin’s right under the male restroom window. One last thing there’s a condo in Arlington and in the kitchen there’s a salt shaker that’s been knocked over, I need you to burn it down, yeah the whole complex; my prints are all over the place.

4. Final Words

He goes to the window, notices it’s a three story drop, it’s raining, and he has on his new Prada suit. He turns around and walks out the door VK: Hey, I just wanted to talk about a few things. But before i get started maybe we should get the check, I’m not sure if you turned off the oven before we left. I know you weren’t cooking anything but you can never be too sure. I’d hate to see something bad happen to Mr. Fuzzle